Intsiksiomai's Blog

Once upon a time, I was a submissive girl.

Posted on: July 28, 2009

My parents, the people around me, and the society have always taught me that a good girl is a good wife, and a good wife is always a submissive one, a submissive yet supportive to the males type of girl.  I was willing to submit.  I was not as stubborn and firm as I am now.  But I thought there has to be conditions before I can submit.  First, the man has to be smarter than me, wiser than me, more competent than me, provides well for me.(preferably looks good enough and also interested in me of course)  I searched and searched, but almost no one passed the conditions.  Finally, I met a few.  One of them was Mr.M.T.  At last, I can be the “submissive” girl that I’m supposed to be.  Unfortunately, this smart, sharp, competent man was not after my welfare and best interest.  I guess it’s the nature of men to be selfish, self-absorbed, self-seeking.  I didn’t grow at all in any aspects of my humanity– not in career or finances, not in wisdom or awareness, not in general knowledge, not socially, not spiritually, nothing.  “Walang kwenta. Waste of time.”  I wish I just charged him a fee for the GFE(girlfriend experience).  (GFE is more expensive than regular prostitutes.  FuBu is free.) (I also wish I just made men bid up for my Mizuage.)  The more I meet and get to know men, the more I see their flaws and defects, the more I become resolute with my decision that I cannot submit.  Now, it’s unfathomable, inconceivable, even ridiculous for me to submit to anyone.  Submit??? Submit??? Why???

Over the years, I have formed my own value system, my own philosophies, my own convictions, developed my own intuition, my own brand of spirituality and humanity.  But ironically, I’m very much open to change everything that I believe in and stand for. What are my criteria for the very possible change?  1st, it has to be presented and argued logically and objectively and wholistically, with right gradation or level of importance per item as viewed from the whole.  No lawyer arguments. 2nd, how does it affect I, me, and myself? Is it for my best interest or welfare (or his, hers, yours)? If not, then why is it more important than I, me, and myself?  A lot of people has tried convincing me to do things or change my position or stand because of skewed motives and illogical assumptions.  For example, I have to do or not do certain things because the church or peers or old people or my parents said so.  These people can’t even agree on their own(universal) core values and they want me to obey them?  They have no credibility in their advice. Then what about image/face/shame?(usually skewed motive) One thing I realized, the hardest person to face at the end of the day is myself.  My higher self will definitely lambaste me if I become religious or if do something stupid.

Submit? I still can, I’m willing, I’m open, but why?

2 Responses to "Once upon a time, I was a submissive girl."

Isnt it that in our filipino culture it is the husband who often submit to his wife? I know I often do. At first she thought i was smarter too, since i do know so many things more than her (since the first 16 years of her life was spent in a remote farm). But it turns out she is wiser than me. And she is a very fast learner. So she gradually took over, though i always remained the ‘virtual’ boss. She deserved taking the lead. We are both happy about it.

I think what makes a relationship more dynamic is both partners knowing when to give way and when to stand firm, and this can be summarized as flexibility. Moreover, getting off one’s pedestal in the bedroom, so to speak. The bedroom is not the boardroom, as they say. Unless, of course, the boardroom feeling is serving a fantasy that both of you enjoy… =>

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