Intsiksiomai's Blog

Archive for July 2009

I have been observing a lot of people, men and women alike. It seems to me that many people cannot understand the full responsibility of parenthood, of raising another human being, of providing quality life to that human being, of forming a strong bond with that human being, and developing that human being to its fullest potential possible, without hindering the growth and potentials of the parents themselves. This is a huge responsibility. But many people do not even see it that way. Many people view having children like getting pets. Sure, they adore babies, like they adore puppies and kittens, or birds and fish. All babies are cute. All babies are harmless creatures. But babies are not pets! Babies grow into real human beings. They will have their own Will, their own Convictions, form their own Character and Personality, and they will have Freedom.
Most people love to cuddle babies, probably because humans have insatiable appetite for affection. Adults “learn” to be embarrassed with showing and demonstrating affection. This is even worse among Chinese. Chinese are more uptight and stuck up. My parents are making it a big deal whenever they see couples hold hands in the mall. All Chinese parties I go to are so superficially staged. I would rather get a genuine hug and affection than a superficial “Angpao” from them.
Pinoys have their own mistaken motives for having many children. They use their own children to support the family. But to give them the benefit of the doubt, many babies are accidentally conceived. The more educated Pinoys learn to use contraceptives and birth control, which is good, but the uneducated and poor ones don’t know how to go about it. They are just not knowledgeable with family planning. The Catholic influence is also a hindrance in providing tools to these poor uneducated Pinoys. Thus, Philippines becomes a haven of prostitutes, beggars, and thieves.
Chinese,
on the other hand, are just as mistaken with their motives. Even if they plan to only have one kid, or two kids, they wind up having more. This is because they have to “compete” for a male offspring. The male is so prized that wives are looked down upon by their peers if they cannot conceive a boy. I know a couple who only planned to have two kids. They wind up having seven, 6 girls and 1 boy! What are the ramifications of this happening? The girls don’t get enough attention, affection, financial and moral support from the parents. The girls wind up “helping” the brother and the parents, enslaving themselves all for the glory of the brother. Six human beings have to live with LOWER Quality of Life, just because of the mistaken motives of ignorant parents. Isn’t this a form of human degradation?
Babies are not pets. Girls are not subhumans or pets,too. If we want affection and loyalty with very little responsibilities, we get a puppy, not a baby, and not a meek and obedient girl who behaves like a puppy.

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My parents, the people around me, and the society have always taught me that a good girl is a good wife, and a good wife is always a submissive one, a submissive yet supportive to the males type of girl.  I was willing to submit.  I was not as stubborn and firm as I am now.  But I thought there has to be conditions before I can submit.  First, the man has to be smarter than me, wiser than me, more competent than me, provides well for me.(preferably looks good enough and also interested in me of course)  I searched and searched, but almost no one passed the conditions.  Finally, I met a few.  One of them was Mr.M.T.  At last, I can be the “submissive” girl that I’m supposed to be.  Unfortunately, this smart, sharp, competent man was not after my welfare and best interest.  I guess it’s the nature of men to be selfish, self-absorbed, self-seeking.  I didn’t grow at all in any aspects of my humanity– not in career or finances, not in wisdom or awareness, not in general knowledge, not socially, not spiritually, nothing.  “Walang kwenta. Waste of time.”  I wish I just charged him a fee for the GFE(girlfriend experience).  (GFE is more expensive than regular prostitutes.  FuBu is free.) (I also wish I just made men bid up for my Mizuage.)  The more I meet and get to know men, the more I see their flaws and defects, the more I become resolute with my decision that I cannot submit.  Now, it’s unfathomable, inconceivable, even ridiculous for me to submit to anyone.  Submit??? Submit??? Why???

Over the years, I have formed my own value system, my own philosophies, my own convictions, developed my own intuition, my own brand of spirituality and humanity.  But ironically, I’m very much open to change everything that I believe in and stand for. What are my criteria for the very possible change?  1st, it has to be presented and argued logically and objectively and wholistically, with right gradation or level of importance per item as viewed from the whole.  No lawyer arguments. 2nd, how does it affect I, me, and myself? Is it for my best interest or welfare (or his, hers, yours)? If not, then why is it more important than I, me, and myself?  A lot of people has tried convincing me to do things or change my position or stand because of skewed motives and illogical assumptions.  For example, I have to do or not do certain things because the church or peers or old people or my parents said so.  These people can’t even agree on their own(universal) core values and they want me to obey them?  They have no credibility in their advice. Then what about image/face/shame?(usually skewed motive) One thing I realized, the hardest person to face at the end of the day is myself.  My higher self will definitely lambaste me if I become religious or if do something stupid.

Submit? I still can, I’m willing, I’m open, but why?

Girls should be careful when they ask for “gender designated role-playing” from men.  Sure, we want freebies and free meals, who doesn’t?  But don’t ever use the gender role play as an excuse to get the free meals because it can backfire and be counterproductive.  How much will a man give to fulfill his role as a “man”? Only a few men actually build a house.  The house is a fixed cost, and sometimes they even live with parents, so it’s either a fixed cost or no cost.  Living expenses of a wife is basically food, around 5k-10k.   Now, how much should a woman give to fulfill her role as a “woman”? If she has to do the chores, she has already paid off the maid’s fee of 5k.  If she opens her legs for the man anytime, she has already covered the fee of a clean loyal prostitute for a measly 5k.  Breakeven or steal deal!!! The man can even push the idea of submission/obedience, take away opportunities for growth, and even take away her willpower.

Once a job is secured or business has stabilized, money flows easy. Nothing much is at stake with a man who just has to be a “man”.  A woman who insists on being a “woman” has so much at stake. She is staking freedom to choose her own philosophies, form her own core values, have her own convictions, freedom to choose and be with her friends and peers, freedom to explore her interests, freedom to meet other men, opportunities for self-development in many different areas from sports, arts, sciences, or anything.  She’s also bound to lose her own Will, which is a vital aspect of our humanity.

It’s interesting to start a date by asking a man,”What do you think is the role of a man and a woman?” We might see right away what the guy is willing to give and expect to take.  If I were a man, I’ll ask the girl,“How much is your freedom, will, and growth?  Can I afford it?” Then find out, treat her to an expensive meal, bring her home with your lavish car, and send flowers the next day.

I noticed that most people, especially the older ones, expect/demand/thirst for respect. But what they get is just mere superficial politeness. The old people wants reverence for their supposed wisdom and experience, the younger working class wants recognition and admiration by putting titles such as Atty, Dr, Father on their names, and the girls want to be treated like ladies by gentlemen boys. People are easily flattered by the superficial politeness that are thrown on them. They tend to put more value points on someone who are polite, no matter how trashy or evil the person is. They are not sharp enough to see the real perception of the polite person on them. More often than not, the person addressing them as Ma’am or Sir don’t really respect them. They might even hate and curse the person they are being polite with. The gentlemanly suitor might just want to go to bed with the girl, so he treats her like jewel for now. Wait till he gets his piece of cake. Or maybe, the suitor is gentlemanly because he wants to be admired by the girl, and that’s the only quality he can be proud of, being a gentleman! For all we know, he is some insecure loser who desperately needs a gf. Politeness is closer to diplomacy. The diplomats are trained to say a lot of nice things without really meaning them. They are trained to talk for hours without saying anything at all. Politeness may be a good thing if not overused and overrated. It may prevent chaos or violence when used properly. But politeness has been one of the most overrated quality in a person. It even surpassed the value of caliber, genuineness, sincerity, kindness, goodness in its higher sense, integrity, and genuine respect. Genuine respect cannot be easily given by most people. We are naturally intolerant of diversity. And most genuine respect is earned, by the actions one does, success one attains, or character one shows. We cannot force others to genuinely respect us, for their regard is deep in their hearts and souls, and not in the words they utter or gestures they display. Why should we genuinely respect old people when they just lived longer than us, just like the old tree outside our garden or the ugly antique sink that does not even serve its purpose. Why do men genuinely respect girls, when men are stronger, smarter, more useful than the girls? Why even bother putting up with a whining, bitching, weak, dumb, useless girl? If we look past the facade that most people display, then we will see that very few people are capable of genuine respect – for humanity, for nature, for things, for life. Otherwise, there will be less fights, wars, chaos, greed, hatred. Genuine respect acknowledges the sacredness of an entity. It allows the entity to grow beautifully or just admires its beauty if its a thing. It may nurture or give space, but it never destroys. I hope that people will eventually learn to distinguish superficial politeness from genuine respect, and we all aim to give and receive the latter. I also hope that we will see the genuine respect even without the politeness displayed, and we would know if the politeness is just a fake.