Intsiksiomai's Blog

How To Say “No”, the Powerplay

Posted on: May 3, 2009

The more able, the more powerful in institutions are always faced with requests and favors from their members or subordinates.  I find it extremely rude that this technique of lambasting, discrediting, and making the self-esteem lower is sometimes used by these people in the position of power.

For instance, when an employee asks for a raise, the boss might rudely lambaste the employee, tell him how lousy his work was, how  dispensable he is, and that he should be contented with what he gets.(I’ve seen this happen.)  Another example is the wife-husband relationship where the husband has more power.  The husband insults the wife and degrades her and tells her how useless she is, that’s why she doesn’t deserve a break from work or a vacation.(I’ve witnessed this situation, too.)

What’s more painful for me is my own dad used this technique on me because he refused to treat me as fairly as I demanded.  He thinks I’m too ambitious for a girl.  He lambasted me, discredited me, tried to lower my self-regard and self-esteem, devalued me, humiliated me, just to save some pennies. He even criticized me for being “intelligent” and turned my positive qualities into negative.  He turned a positive quality like “intelligence” into “evil”. That’s so ridiculous.

When I was much younger, I was idealistic.  I thought that people in power(especially our loved ones) help us and guide us to become powerful ourselves.  It’s sad that I’ve been embittered by my experiences with the more powerful people I truly loved, trusted and looked up to- my dad and Mr. Asshole(my ex-bf).  I’m certain that the ideal still exist in other people’s lives, good for them. What a happy journey.  But for me, life is now a jungle.  It’s survival of the fittest.

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1 Response to "How To Say “No”, the Powerplay"

You’re not supposed to believe it, but whether you will participate in the powerplay all depends on your purposes for doing so… I was once repeatedly called a spoiled brat by a lady boss, professionally taking against me the fact that I was an only child. As she went on and on with it, I surmised that she wasn’t that educated about what she was saying and the whole point was to push me out, in which case, anything can be hurled at you. This lady boss preached American management values, so my friend told me upon his analysis to apply American management values. Confront her. Go to her table and confront. Question, question, question. Then again, it all depends on the payback. If it’s worth it. Or maybe we are presented instead of an opportunity to leave without having to come up with our own reasons. =)

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