Intsiksiomai's Blog

Archive for May 2009

I opened a thread in pinoy exchange and asked some people if Pinoys still surrender their salary to their wives.  Most if not all answered a yes.  This is not surprising to me because most of the Pinoys I know(my previous co-workers) all surrender their salaries to the wife.  I find this set-up quite alarming.  Even if I consider myself a feminist, I find it unfair for the male who cannot even control and build his own wealth.(I’m also individualistic.)  Money is power and we should never let anyone have the chance to get all our (hard-earned) power. Another thing that I find alarming is that most women have poor financial skills.  Worst case scenario is what happened to Ted Failon and his wife.  Ted left his earnings to the wife, and the wife mismanaged and lost everything.  This is not even a question of trust.  We might really find a trustworthy spouse with all the good intentions, but can we trust their financial skills and  discernment? Many wives don’t even work.  What do they know about making and keeping money?  Love and trust alone are not enough for people to consider for a spouse/partner.  They need to have similar money values, and teach each other (usually husband should teach the wife)  how to handle money.

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The more able, the more powerful in institutions are always faced with requests and favors from their members or subordinates.  I find it extremely rude that this technique of lambasting, discrediting, and making the self-esteem lower is sometimes used by these people in the position of power.

For instance, when an employee asks for a raise, the boss might rudely lambaste the employee, tell him how lousy his work was, how  dispensable he is, and that he should be contented with what he gets.(I’ve seen this happen.)  Another example is the wife-husband relationship where the husband has more power.  The husband insults the wife and degrades her and tells her how useless she is, that’s why she doesn’t deserve a break from work or a vacation.(I’ve witnessed this situation, too.)

What’s more painful for me is my own dad used this technique on me because he refused to treat me as fairly as I demanded.  He thinks I’m too ambitious for a girl.  He lambasted me, discredited me, tried to lower my self-regard and self-esteem, devalued me, humiliated me, just to save some pennies. He even criticized me for being “intelligent” and turned my positive qualities into negative.  He turned a positive quality like “intelligence” into “evil”. That’s so ridiculous.

When I was much younger, I was idealistic.  I thought that people in power(especially our loved ones) help us and guide us to become powerful ourselves.  It’s sad that I’ve been embittered by my experiences with the more powerful people I truly loved, trusted and looked up to- my dad and Mr. Asshole(my ex-bf).  I’m certain that the ideal still exist in other people’s lives, good for them. What a happy journey.  But for me, life is now a jungle.  It’s survival of the fittest.

Whenever I air my complaints to my friends, they often dismiss me by saying:“That’s nothing, I know some people who are in worse situation than you.  Look at me, I grew up without parents and I ended up having a good life…” Hey, why do they like dismissing my concerns?  Just because they know someone in a lousier situation who are surviving doesn’t mean my concerns are not valid.  Why are they dismissing my concerns?  Why are they dismissing its validity?  It’s pointless talking to these people.  I don’t even know if they mean well by saying those words of comfort.  At best, they mean well and are offering some comfort.  At worst, they don’t want to offer any solutions so I can suffer and they will feel better about themselves.

We are all given different situations  and talents and gifts.  We should be able to OPTIMIZE them, deal with our situations the best way possible.  It’s ridiculous dismissing my problems with my current situation just because they are born with lousier talents and situations.  Why will they compare me with the beggars or orphans or muslim girls? I am born with much better conditions than that.  It’s a good thing I want to improve and optimize.  Otherwise, the minute I was born, I can die because I was already luckier than average.  Or maybe I shouldn’t even bother going to school, because I was already more educated than my parents?  Just be complacent?

Example1: I feel bad that my diet isn’t working. I put on some weight instead of losing weight.  What will I do?  This is their answer.  “Don’t worry, all of your friends are fatter than you, you look ok.” Duh.

Example2: Sis complained about her lousy relationship with her bf.  Her friends said:“That’s normal.  My boyfriend slaps me on both side of the face.  You should consider yourself lucky that your bf only insults you verbally.”

This is my reply to all my friends and family who likes dismissing my concerns as if they are not valid.  “When you have cancer, I’ll tell you not to worry and still consider yourself lucky.  My uncle is dead and he’s not even complaining!”

hahaha! Dismiss.