Feminists will be the last beneficiaries of enlightenment. This is something I realized upon contemplating on sharing my complaints about being a 2nd rate citizen. The first layer that has to be stripped off is THEISM. Most if not all religions say that women submit, obey, and are 2nd rate humans. The second layer to peel off is CULTURE. Most cultures that has set tradition and practices view women as mere supporters of men. This is what CONFUCIANISM in CHINESE and KOREAN culture teach. Even the Filipino-Spanish culture of Maria Clara and modest virgin girls are crazy. The European chivalry culture also sucks. If the culture is non-culture, then girls will be more progressive or has a better chance to progress.
I realize I shouldn’t even bother empowering girls who are theists and/or culturists. It’s going to be tedious and a waste of my energy.
I’m obviously a feminist, although I’m not a member of any organized feminist group yet. I guess I’m too busy developing myself to even bother joining one. One thing I noticed with a lot of feminist movements is their focus on eradication of domestic violence and teaching livelihood programs to victims like basket weaving. Although the advocacy is positive, it also goes to show how backward we still are. It means that many girls still tolerate some slaps and kicks, and they only shout foul when their life is endangered?? That’s still a ridiculous way of living a life. After these girls escape from their husband, they are taught a stupid way of making money like basket weaving?? What is that, a promotion of cheap labor for china factories?
I think feminist groups should highlight and focus optimal development for girls instead of dwelling on their victimhood. Man/Men shouldn’t even be our goal. We may even exceed some of their expertise, who knows?
The 4 key areas that girls should focus on to attain optimal development are as follows:
1. Education and Awareness= One can be academically competent but may lack the awareness of her rights as an individual. Individual is higher than/precedes gender.
2. Physical Competence = Girls should learn basic dodging and kicking, should have decent mobility for function and protection.
3. Financial/Economic Independence= Most girls endure because they can’t fend for themselves. Stop basket weaving for 10 pesos a basket.
4. Birth Control= Girls go to a downward spiral when they cannot control giving birth. A baby is a financial liability, a time consuming, energy depleting task that prevents girls from doing items 1,2, & 3. Take Charge of this! This is the number 1 weakness of girls because they think that it’s their husband who decides for this, or are afraid that if they don’t give in to sex, their partner will fool around. Who cares? If the guy leaves, let him leave. If the guy impregnates someone else, so be it. We shouldn’t care how his life or their life turn out. We want to make sure how our life will turn out.
One concept I find very important in my daily life is DOMAIN. My definition of domain is the “tangible and intangible territory in which I’m the only one responsible for and that nobody should invade or violate“. The tangible ones include all my personal properties, money, bank accounts. The intangible ones are my philosophies, my values system, my time, my choices of food, clothing, hobbies, and jobs.
For someone who is individualistic and has a strong sense of self like me, it’s easier to be constantly aware of my domain as well as other people’s domain. But for others who value and seek a sense of belongingness, it can be quite difficult. People close to us will try to make us guilty because a certain act we have “affects” them. My question is am I acting outside of my domain and invading their domain? How valid are their “feelings” or “how I affected them”? I usually measure the validity of their feelings base on how much of my action is within my domain and how much of it is possibly a “shared domain”. For instance, a friend can force me to eat a piece of cake because it’s his birthday. He may even appeal to my sense of guilt and say he’ll feel bad if I don’t and it’s his birthday. But if it’s a strict diet day for me, I will decline politely and stick to my diet. That is within my domain and I shouldn’t care if he’ll feel bad or if it’s his birthday. My not eating doesn’t truly affect him. In fact, it has nothing to do with him.
The issue of domain may not seem huge, but if it’s translated into closely entwined relationships like parent-child, husband-wife relationship, it is very crucial.. I think the only time we can intrude and invade in someone else’s domain is when the person is insane or self-destructive. (like addiction)
I was chatting with a Christian married woman last week. She told me that she has very strong character but she learned that it’s the husband who will be accountable for his entire family to god, so she has to give in and obey most of the time. She even said she has to constantly stroke her husband’s ego because he is the man and he has to feel like the man. She also advises her daughter to tone down her personality since she is like her mom– assertive. What a load of crap! I introduced the idea of domain to her and she’s resistant to it saying when you’re married and have children, there’s no more ‘who’s domain’.
Shared responsibility is way different from having no personal domain. Her husband’s muscles are not her muscles. She can ask him to lift 50 kg for her, but it’s him doing the lifting, not her. He can be making tons of money that he can share with her, but it’s still him doing it, not her. I guess for someone who did just the washing and cleaning, they want the illusion that no domain exist within each member of the family. Not being aware and respectful of our domain and other people’s domain can be draining, depleting, and exhausting for everyone. There’s always an invisible tug-of-war. That is why I’m extremely protective of my domain but I’m also very respectful of other’s domain.
I’m usually disappointed whenever people bring their lovers with them in a party/gathering/social event. Of course, I’m also somewhat offended/insulted (just impulsively) whenever people ask for my bf. Why? A lover/bf/gf is the best shield one can have. It shields us from interacting with other people. It shields us from having really engaging talks with others. It prevents us from actually meeting the good looking people of the opposite sex, since we are afraid of a jealous attack from our partner. Other people will hesitate to approach and intrude a couple since they have their own little world. Oftentimes, lovers also act like butlers to each other, which I find distracting.
I impulsively feel insulted whenever people ask for my bf’s presence all the time. Why? Am I so boring alone? I don’t feel like a shadow of a man, or a broken half of a whole. Sure, there’s a risk of being out of place and feeling like a loser, but the reward of having possible new friends is worth it.
Dictionary.com has a funny way of giving synonyms to the word “polite”. Some of the synonyms used are condescending, conciliatory, diplomatic, punctilious. On the other hand,”respect” had synonyms of esteem, regard, honor, value.
People keep interchanging these 2 different concepts. It’s just frustrating to keep correcting people about it.
When we say “please” or “excuse me” to strangers or servicemen, when we say “po” or “opo” and help old people cross the street, when a gentleman opens the door to a lady, when we accommodate old people, that’s just mere POLITENESS. The most that we can demand from others if we want to be treated in a nice way is also just mere politeness. One can NEVER RESPECT AN OPPOSING OPINION, until it ceases to be opposing and someone finally agrees or becomes convinced. We may have religious tolerance, but we can never respect the person’s different religious conviction.
People are polite for different reasons. Fear is often a motivating factor of politeness, especially if politeness is directed towards people with power, higher positions, or older grouches. I also quite agree with the funny synonym condescending as a motivation for politeness. We tend to be careful not to hurt the feelings of service crews and maids so we give them extremely polite orders. The polite manner in which we address them is contrasted with the act of ordering them around. In some cases, some snooty people just want to display an air of sophistication by being extremely polite to others they consider lower in status. They just want to display their polishness more than really liking anybody in the party. Men are afraid to be rejected by women so they also act gentlemanly not out of respect, but to ensure that they won’t be rejected by women/potential preys. Society has brainwashed us to treat old people with respect. Again, treating them in a certain way doesn’t necessarily mean the esteem, regard, high valuation are there. In many cases, it’s pity, guilt, and fear of criticism that we feel, mistaken as “respect”.
I’m not dissuading anybody to be polite. I’m just here to clarify, distinguish, and make aware. In terms of gradient of motivation, polite can be from negative to neutral to positive, while respect is always positive. No more misnomers. Don’t get flattered over politeness.
I often complain about how girls in general tend to live half-a-life, since they stop growing and developing when they start having romantic relationships and/or kids. Although some men can be guilty of such, at least they are not as complacent in some areas like maybe their work or their sports. Moms train their kids on swimming, tennis, judo, vocabulary building, sudoku, spelling, while they themselves stop and “feel old”, stopping at age 20-25. I also often complain how our charitable billionaires focus so much on feeding the poor, and just making more people “merely survive”. Few of our charitable billionaires invest their extra money in transforming more people into “self-actualizers”. While a billion people live as maggots, only a few people are “truly alive, authentic, and thrive”.
My idea of thriving doesn’t necessarily mean that all people become Bill Gates. In reality, if we listen to our inner self, most of us have just simple ideals. “Sense of fit” is what I call it, too. We form, own, practice, and embody our personal values and philosophical convictions. We do the things that’s fitted for us. We are with friends and partner that’s fitted for us. Alive, Authentic, Thrive…
I bumped into a very nice article about self-actualization that says it all..
What is societal norm, but just a mean average of the population’s opinions. 90+80+90+85+70+65+90+100+130=? divided by 9 is below 100! Mean=88. Median=85. Mode=90. What is the society made up of, but mediocre average at best, but most probably lower than passable, since idiots breed more rapidly. Density wise, society is made up of below average minds.
Values/value system,(may include) religion or lack of it,hierarchy of priorities, philosophical convictions– the skeletal framework from which we design our life, which prompts us to act a certain way, behave a certain way, should be inferior if based on societal norm. If we know we are below the norm, it’s ok to reach for the norm. But if we are above the mean, median, mode of the population, it’s time to deviate from the norm.