Posted by: intsiksiomai on: January 9, 2010
2009 was one of the best Christmas vacations I ever had. I’ve never felt this free. I felt alive, free, yet connected.
I bumped into a German acquaintance the other week. As always, he looked perfect! He’s 6 ft tall, lean ectomorph with lean beautiful but functional muscles, bright deep set eyes, sharp nose, ok lips, tanned white complexion. I told him that given a choice, I would prefer to be a German or maybe a German Chinese because of their genetic inclination/excellence. (Germans for most physical qualities, Chinese for clearer skin) He accused me of being a racist! I was surprised to hear that. He said that we have to be content with what we have and do everything we can to achieve our desires. No comparison with others but just with our own self. He said we can only compete with ourself and that there’s nothing we cannot do if we set our mind into doing it. Apparently, this guy is a motivator by profession. I told him that I agree that we should make the most of what we have. But…given a choice…I prefer to have a better starting point by being a German Chinese.
Let me elaborate myself. First, we always discriminate when we choose. Discrimination is actually a neutral term unless used to the extreme. When we order pizza over rice, we discriminate. When we watch Law and Order over Wowowee, we discriminate. But I don’t go around killing all men named Willie. If I prefer red over yellow, I’m a colorist. If I prefer pizza over rice, I’m a foodist. If a prefer German genetics over other races’ genetics, I’m a racist. How polite do I have to be? I told my friend being 6 ft is better than 4 ft. He kept asking me “says who?’ I guess he was using that technique of some psychologists to improve the self-esteem of born losers by changing their perception of themselves. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work on me. I cannot fool myself to believe that my baby fats make me look sexy. I actually want to get frustrated, agitated, to the point where I want to transform that defect. For the defects that can’t be changed, then I’ll have to accept it.
One common defect of people is we downplay the importance of the traits we don’t have and upgrade the importance of the traits we have. Where is the universal standard then? Where is the truth then? I think we should learn to be more objective and be brave to face our own ugly self. I often bump into people with problems that are easily solved, whether physical or otherwise. Unfortunately, I can’t just help them even if I want to because I have to deal with their ego/pride, their delusions. Most people would rather be a proud defective loser than a humble striving learner.
Posted by: intsiksiomai on: November 3, 2009
Many girls who are in a romantic relationship becomes delusional. They think that their boyfriend or husband has the right to stop them from doing certain things, especially those that are not crucial to their partnership. Girls also think that they can stop or prevent their boyfriend from their vices like smoking, drinking, or fucking around. Their boyfriend may feel flattered that the gf is jealous or concerned, but men will never never ever change for their gf. If they do, it is a temporary, superficial change just to appease her. A playboy will always be a playboy, a smoker will always want to smoke even if he knows its detrimental to his health, and a drunkard will always enjoy alcohol. Very few men have the resolve to change. Very few men will have an NDE (near death experience). It is believed that NDE can turn one’s core around.. Many of my male friends lie to their partners and just do everything and anything when the gf is not around. At least men get to do what they set out to do.
The girls are the stupider ones. They actually follow the unreasonable requests of their bfs, like don’t date other men, don’t go out with this friend or that friend, don’t swim, don’t go to gym, don’t join pageants, don’t wear this, don’t take that job. Men are territorial by nature, but they are not necessarily concerned for the growth and welfare of the girls. They just want to exercise their power through control and dominion. It’s all for their selfish ego, and not for the welfare and growth of the girls. I know many girls who lost their earning power because their men told them they will be provided for. Then after they separate, the girls amounted to nothing. Men also become resentful if they are the only income earner and provider. So don’t believe this “I can provide and I will provide” promise. Men stop their gfs from joining pageants and flirting with different men, but they are really more attracted to flirtatious pretty pageant girls. Men stop their gfs from their social life. But girls derive a big part of their fulfillment from solid relationships! Be it friendship, daughter-mother, sister-cousin relations, girls love to have solid relationships.
A man will agree to change but finds a way to do what he wants anyway. A man knows his rights and will always claim his rights.
A woman will agree to give-up all her human rights, sacrifice and give up things that make her whole and fulfilled just to keep her man.
Posted by: intsiksiomai on: November 3, 2009
People keep interchanging these 3 adjectives as if they are one and the same. They may be running in the same path, but I would like to define each one of them and put them in the proper hierarchy of goodness. Kindness is the highest good among the 3. It means being compassionate towards life and people in general, having natural inclination of helping others, being more considerate of people and things in general, and predisposed to accomodate people (as much as possible). Kind people has a bigger and more generous heart. It may not be in the form of money or things, but time and effort. It brings love to a greater degree, without inflicting harm to anyone, and never at the expense of others. Niceness is the second good among the 3. The difference is that niceness is more shallow. It brings cheer, pleasant words and gestures, but without the feeling of too much responsibility towards them. It displays agreeableness, congeniality. It evades conflict and friction, always yearning for a more peaceful atmosphere. Sometimes, I equate this niceness with naivety. Justice, truth, or pending conflicts are better raised and fought rather than insisting on maintaining the atmosphere of false peace. Obedience ranks the least. I don’t even consider it good, but just a neutral quality of people. Obedience is just for maintaining order, whether the order is for the good(traffic rules), or for the bad (assassinate him!). Obedience means submission to an authority. It is submission of the will. When there is obedience, there is an authority, a leader, a dictator. There is a person commanding for the obeyer to comply with his requirement or order. Whether the order of the commander is for his own good or not, or for someone else’s good or not, is not the concern of someone really really obedient. Obedience is encouraged by the more powerful and superior as a means to temper the lower beings/barbarians. Parents want children to obey, for what, we can’t ask. President wants us to obey, for what, we can’t let her justify. Among the Orientals, obedience is one of the most prized qualities. Young people should obey the old. Wife should obey the husband. The obedience is based on hierarchy, seniority, age. Reasoning, rationalizing, questioning are discouraged. Obedience doesn’t require a lot of thinking and pondering, just mere doing and following. Tagalog is such a limited language. And “mabait” is overused to mean almost anything. People are not sharp to see or sense the real quality and motive of a person. Why not try using “masunurin”, “magalang”, “maginoo”, “mapagpanggap”, “sipsip”, or “uto-uto” instead?
Posted by: intsiksiomai on: October 30, 2009
Chiz just left his camp with speculations that he did not want to compromise with Danding Cojuangco regarding Danding’s full financial support in exchange of business favors after election. Even if Villar is open for Chiz to be his running mate, Chiz vehemently accused Villar of deliberately double posting the huge amount of money to cheat with his finances. Where can Chiz go if he wants to maintain his lawfulness? At best, he’ll be with Noynoy-Mar camp, thus sacrificing his chance to become a president or vice-president and still maintain his integrity.
Many young people starts off their life like Chiz– idealistic, lawful, ambitious, principled. But the systems we revolve in like our family, our community, our bosses, our government just won’t allow us to become lawful good or lawful neutral at the very least. The systems and the people who hold power over the systems will squeeze, knead, and wring us young people. We are left with almost no option but to go with the “unlawful evil” flow of the systems, even if our hearts had good intentions and motives to begin with. Should Chiz give up the chance to be a great leader? I don’t think so. Should Chiz maintain his integrity by not allowing the system to pollute him? I think he should realize that people and things are not black and white, or not anymore. He can actually ally with a powerful not so evil person and do greater things after when he gets in the position. A polluted system is hard to change, and we badly need more Chizes and Noynoys to change the system internally. Trillanes failed fighting the powerful system with his goodness, integrity, and righteousness. I pity Trillanes. I pity Chiz. There’s no way for them to change the system but to learn how to be “unlawful evil” at times. Do it for greater good, of course.
Come to think of it, most Chinese families are like the Arroyo administration. You have to learn how to suck up to the most powerful; it’s full of injustice and oppression; the people in power are a-holes and jerks; it lacks integrity, genuine concern for each member; pretentious and full of press release.
Posted by: intsiksiomai on: October 24, 2009
This is the month Korina Sanchez and Mar Roxas will tie the knot. I’m happy for both of them and I think they deserve each other. Unfortunately, many men, Chinese and Filipino alike find Korina not marriageable. The primary reason is because she had live-in partners/bfs prior to meeting Mar. One is the brother of Noynoy Aquino. What a small world. Noynoy and his family is even part of the Korina-Mar entourage. Some find this distasteful, I don’t.
What’s wrong with having a previous live-in bf? They were in a committed relationship and they felt they were not ready to marry each other. It was probably also convenient for them to just stay in one roof. Does it follow that Korina is promiscuous and undiscerning with her men? On the contrary. What’s ridiculous is the men who criticize Korina for her unmarriageability are promiscuous themselves. They all married virgins or virginal women.
For bookkeeping purpose, I’ll describe Korina and Mar. Korina is one of the most successful journalist, newscaster, TV personality. Her success is rare, even for a man, and what more for a woman. She is beautiful enough, maybe not like a beauty queen, but enough to make an average man desire her. Korina is a self-made woman. On the other hand, Mar came from an old rich family with not much success he can call his own. Everything was backed up by the family, and at best, he did “ok”. Just okay. He has a son from a previous relationship (extra baggage), and he looks average. I would think that nobody is shortchanging someone here.
The Chinese man told me, “Any Chinese man will never marry Korina, Chinese are conservative.” I said, “No, Chinese men are jerks. Women should not be valued by their virginity alone. Men and women should be measured using the same yardstick. Caliber, Character, Intelligence, Success and so on… precedes chastity.”
Posted by: intsiksiomai on: September 10, 2009
“Face” or “Shame” is a very important quality for the Chinese. I think Asians are generally conscious of their “face”, but different races and cultures have different things they are most ashamed of. In my dad’s case, he’s ashamed of us if people see us in public at wee hours of the night. He also kept on reminding me that I should never ever marry a Filipino because he took good care of his name and if I marry a Filipino, I’ll bring him shame. He’s also very careful that he doesn’t give a bounced check to anybody because a bounced check reputation is very shameful. Sure, I could admire him for keeping his word regarding the things he values and the things that would save his “face”. I just don’t agree that he puts more emphasis on his “face” more than our welfare and happiness.
What a person is most shameful of is a good reflection of his core values. Some Arabs kill their sister if she gets involved with a non-Muslim to save the “family’s face”. (Sexist and racist values) Some people stay unhappily miserably married just to save their “face”. (Family as an entity is more important than individuals type of values) On the other hand, some people have absolutely no regard of other people’s opinion of them, which is also bad at times. A corrupt president who’s been caught many times of her cheating and stealing can be so apathetic to everyone’s criticisms. I have some Filipino friends who don’t feel any shame giving bounced cheques, having unpaid overdue debts, having many children from different gfs without giving them enough support. In some cases, I think they are even proud that they can get away having debts for life, proud of having many children they don’t support, proud of having mistresses. That, for me, is shameful.
It would be interesting to ask people around what they are most ashamed of, what would make them lose their “face”. It’s a way to know what their values are and how it differs from our own values/hierarchy of values.
Posted by: intsiksiomai on: July 28, 2009
I have been observing a lot of people, men and women alike. It seems to me that many people cannot understand the full responsibility of parenthood, of raising another human being, of providing quality life to that human being, of forming a strong bond with that human being, and developing that human being to its fullest potential possible, without hindering the growth and potentials of the parents themselves. This is a huge responsibility. But many people do not even see it that way. Many people view having children like getting pets. Sure, they adore babies, like they adore puppies and kittens, or birds and fish. All babies are cute. All babies are harmless creatures. But babies are not pets! Babies grow into real human beings. They will have their own Will, their own Convictions, form their own Character and Personality, and they will have Freedom.
Most people love to cuddle babies, probably because humans have insatiable appetite for affection. Adults “learn” to be embarrassed with showing and demonstrating affection. This is even worse among Chinese. Chinese are more uptight and stuck up. My parents are making it a big deal whenever they see couples hold hands in the mall. All Chinese parties I go to are so superficially staged. I would rather get a genuine hug and affection than a superficial “Angpao” from them.
Pinoys have their own mistaken motives for having many children. They use their own children to support the family. But to give them the benefit of the doubt, many babies are accidentally conceived. The more educated Pinoys learn to use contraceptives and birth control, which is good, but the uneducated and poor ones don’t know how to go about it. They are just not knowledgeable with family planning. The Catholic influence is also a hindrance in providing tools to these poor uneducated Pinoys. Thus, Philippines becomes a haven of prostitutes, beggars, and thieves.
Chinese, on the other hand, are just as mistaken with their motives. Even if they plan to only have one kid, or two kids, they wind up having more. This is because they have to “compete” for a male offspring. The male is so prized that wives are looked down upon by their peers if they cannot conceive a boy. I know a couple who only planned to have two kids. They wind up having seven, 6 girls and 1 boy! What are the ramifications of this happening? The girls don’t get enough attention, affection, financial and moral support from the parents. The girls wind up “helping” the brother and the parents, enslaving themselves all for the glory of the brother. Six human beings have to live with LOWER Quality of Life, just because of the mistaken motives of ignorant parents. Isn’t this a form of human degradation?
Babies are not pets. Girls are not subhumans or pets,too. If we want affection and loyalty with very little responsibilities, we get a puppy, not a baby, and not a meek and obedient girl who behaves like a puppy.
Posted by: intsiksiomai on: July 28, 2009
My parents, the people around me, and the society have always taught me that a good girl is a good wife, and a good wife is always a submissive one, a submissive yet supportive to the males type of girl. I was willing to submit. I was not as stubborn and firm as I am now. But I thought there has to be conditions before I can submit. First, the man has to be smarter than me, wiser than me, more competent than me, provides well for me.(preferably looks good enough and also interested in me of course) I searched and searched, but almost no one passed the conditions. Finally, I met a few. One of them was Mr.M.T. At last, I can be the “submissive” girl that I’m supposed to be. Unfortunately, this smart, sharp, competent man was not after my welfare and best interest. I guess it’s the nature of men to be selfish, self-absorbed, self-seeking. I didn’t grow at all in any aspects of my humanity– not in career or finances, not in wisdom or awareness, not in general knowledge, not socially, not spiritually, nothing. “Walang kwenta. Waste of time.” I wish I just charged him a fee for the GFE(girlfriend experience). (GFE is more expensive than regular prostitutes. FuBu is free.) (I also wish I just made men bid up for my Mizuage.) The more I meet and get to know men, the more I see their flaws and defects, the more I become resolute with my decision that I cannot submit. Now, it’s unfathomable, inconceivable, even ridiculous for me to submit to anyone. Submit??? Submit??? Why???
Over the years, I have formed my own value system, my own philosophies, my own convictions, developed my own intuition, my own brand of spirituality and humanity. But ironically, I’m very much open to change everything that I believe in and stand for. What are my criteria for the very possible change? 1st, it has to be presented and argued logically and objectively and wholistically, with right gradation or level of importance per item as viewed from the whole. No lawyer arguments. 2nd, how does it affect I, me, and myself? Is it for my best interest or welfare (or his, hers, yours)? If not, then why is it more important than I, me, and myself? A lot of people has tried convincing me to do things or change my position or stand because of skewed motives and illogical assumptions. For example, I have to do or not do certain things because the church or peers or old people or my parents said so. These people can’t even agree on their own(universal) core values and they want me to obey them? They have no credibility in their advice. Then what about image/face/shame?(usually skewed motive) One thing I realized, the hardest person to face at the end of the day is myself. My higher self will definitely lambaste me if I become religious or if do something stupid.
Submit? I still can, I’m willing, I’m open, but why?
Posted by: intsiksiomai on: July 25, 2009
Girls should be careful when they ask for “gender designated role-playing” from men. Sure, we want freebies and free meals, who doesn’t? But don’t ever use the gender role play as an excuse to get the free meals because it can backfire and be counterproductive. How much will a man give to fulfill his role as a “man”? Only a few men actually build a house. The house is a fixed cost, and sometimes they even live with parents, so it’s either a fixed cost or no cost. Living expenses of a wife is basically food, around 5k-10k. Now, how much should a woman give to fulfill her role as a “woman”? If she has to do the chores, she has already paid off the maid’s fee of 5k. If she opens her legs for the man anytime, she has already covered the fee of a clean loyal prostitute for a measly 5k. Breakeven or steal deal!!! The man can even push the idea of submission/obedience, take away opportunities for growth, and even take away her willpower.
Once a job is secured or business has stabilized, money flows easy. Nothing much is at stake with a man who just has to be a “man”. A woman who insists on being a “woman” has so much at stake. She is staking freedom to choose her own philosophies, form her own core values, have her own convictions, freedom to choose and be with her friends and peers, freedom to explore her interests, freedom to meet other men, opportunities for self-development in many different areas from sports, arts, sciences, or anything. She’s also bound to lose her own Will, which is a vital aspect of our humanity.
It’s interesting to start a date by asking a man,”What do you think is the role of a man and a woman?” We might see right away what the guy is willing to give and expect to take. If I were a man, I’ll ask the girl,“How much is your freedom, will, and growth? Can I afford it?” Then find out, treat her to an expensive meal, bring her home with your lavish car, and send flowers the next day.
Posted by: intsiksiomai on: July 15, 2009
I noticed that most people, especially the older ones, expect/demand/thirst for respect. But what they get is just mere superficial politeness. The old people wants reverence for their supposed wisdom and experience, the younger working class wants recognition and admiration by putting titles such as Atty, Dr, Father on their names, and the girls want to be treated like ladies by gentlemen boys. People are easily flattered by the superficial politeness that are thrown on them. They tend to put more value points on someone who are polite, no matter how trashy or evil the person is. They are not sharp enough to see the real perception of the polite person on them. More often than not, the person addressing them as Ma’am or Sir don’t really respect them. They might even hate and curse the person they are being polite with. The gentlemanly suitor might just want to go to bed with the girl, so he treats her like jewel for now. Wait till he gets his piece of cake. Or maybe, the suitor is gentlemanly because he wants to be admired by the girl, and that’s the only quality he can be proud of, being a gentleman! For all we know, he is some insecure loser who desperately needs a gf. Politeness is closer to diplomacy. The diplomats are trained to say a lot of nice things without really meaning them. They are trained to talk for hours without saying anything at all. Politeness may be a good thing if not overused and overrated. It may prevent chaos or violence when used properly. But politeness has been one of the most overrated quality in a person. It even surpassed the value of caliber, genuineness, sincerity, kindness, goodness in its higher sense, integrity, and genuine respect. Genuine respect cannot be easily given by most people. We are naturally intolerant of diversity. And most genuine respect is earned, by the actions one does, success one attains, or character one shows. We cannot force others to genuinely respect us, for their regard is deep in their hearts and souls, and not in the words they utter or gestures they display. Why should we genuinely respect old people when they just lived longer than us, just like the old tree outside our garden or the ugly antique sink that does not even serve its purpose. Why do men genuinely respect girls, when men are stronger, smarter, more useful than the girls? Why even bother putting up with a whining, bitching, weak, dumb, useless girl? If we look past the facade that most people display, then we will see that very few people are capable of genuine respect – for humanity, for nature, for things, for life. Otherwise, there will be less fights, wars, chaos, greed, hatred. Genuine respect acknowledges the sacredness of an entity. It allows the entity to grow beautifully or just admires its beauty if its a thing. It may nurture or give space, but it never destroys. I hope that people will eventually learn to distinguish superficial politeness from genuine respect, and we all aim to give and receive the latter. I also hope that we will see the genuine respect even without the politeness displayed, and we would know if the politeness is just a fake.
